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2022-04-03 06:29:33 -07:00
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<date> 2022-03-11 21:01</date>
<p>feeling particularly miserable today, and i'm here to try and figure out why. I wrote a lil bit before, but I lost it instead of saving it by mistake, so here i am again. on the surface, I could point my feelings towards not being able to get high when I got home today but i think it's more than just that. i cant put a pin in it though. the worlds pretty fucked, but that doesn't explain my misery today. i don't feel like there's things i should've done that i didnt or things that i want to do but i cant. <a href='220311-2104.html' >Logan</a> mentioned a good point today about how brains tend to work. When you're considering the possibility of doing things, your brain automatically filters things to a set of things you believe reasonable and possible, based on the connections of your neurons and the way you think, and it happens so fast and subconciously you don't even realize it's happening -- the only ideas that you're capable of making are those that your brain has filtered. For people with bi-polar, when they're manic, the set of things your brain culls goes down (ie more things make it through the filter). This can have severe consequences, in one example he gave us, a manic person simply drove into a wall because he was unable to accept the reality of the road turning at a point he didn't want it to. For schizophrenics this can be even more pronounced, and is why they are often classified as 'creatives', since they make connections that other people simply cant. He also mentioned how depressed people are unable to make decisions for the same reason. The brain culls all possibilities that one would otherwise consider. That's kinda how I feel right now. <em>Culled of possibility</em>. It probably doesn't help that i've been alone at home stirring with my thoughts. Anyways the roomies are home now so maybe they can offer some distraction, but otherwise i'll just get into bed and read for a while before going to bed.</p>
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