final json

tiddlers.json

@@ -27,6 +27,22 @@
         "modified": "20200809141941183",
         "created": "20200809141146356"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "What went well today:\n\n* Got a good amount of sleep\n* Coexisting with Riya\n* Configuring my phone more\n* Making music with Nanoloop!\n* Habits\n* Cleaning up browser tabs\n\nWhat did not go well today:\n\n* Absent minded, dreamy, aloof\n* Still not doing all the work things I should\n* bean count setup\n\nWhat can I do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* When at work, pay attention\n* Stick to the pomodoro for work\n* Clean out your work backlog if you feel like you have nothing to do\n* Be proud of the work you do!\n\nToday I am grateful for:\n\n* My body and the improvements I've made towards it \n* Consistency\n* Trusting the process, being responsible\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "10th August 2020 at 22:39",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Review Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "Today went by rather quickly. I almost don't remember it. Between playing with my phone and doing some work stuff, I don't really recall a whole lot happening. That's something I'm not happy with. Being mindful is something I appreciate and even though I tend to be aloof and dreamy, I would like to stay cognizant of where I'm spending my time. Not to the degree that I must track every hour, or every project, but simply to know what I did during the day. During my reflection today I found it hard to even think of where the day went. I suppose this is part of growing up, you find a routine and it just fades into the background. You begin to move through the motions so effortlessly they no longer become worth remembering. In some light, this is a good thing. If the habits I've cultivated are leading me to a future I desire, having it be effortless is the best thing I could do. However effortless and mindful need not be mutually exclusive. It also makes me yearn for something more, exciting? I guess I should leave the grand visions of life for fiction, hah.\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "10th August 2020 at 22:46",
+        "tags": "Public Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "it's now pretty late and im tired\n\nive been reading microsolidarity (http://emotionalanarchism.com/courage-before-hope-a-proposal-to-weave-emotional-and-economic-microsolidarity/) by Rich and am fascintated by the idea of having my own farie ring, but im not sure who to add to it. I think it would make sense to have it be temporily close people and the only person that i can think of that would be interested is jack maybe? idk.\n\ni'd love to do something like that and artifex in a way kinda fills that piece but not directly and it would be nice to have something explicit.",
         "title": "10th December 2018 at 04:59",
@@ -174,6 +190,14 @@
         "modified": "20190327083827338",
         "created": "20190327083800040"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "god fucking damn it i feel shit and its all a girls fault again. i knew i shouldnt have fell for her as quick and hard as i did, and thats my own fault, especially when i knew it had to be contentious, but i did and here i fucking am. she keeps toying with me too, and obviously doesnt want anything serious which is fine, and we dont really have the time to do that anyway, but i still feel shit about it. i'm trying to let myself feel all of the emotions involved and let them pass through me and wash over me, knowing that this storrm will fade. it reminds me of that time effectively the same thing happened with amy, and why i got out of tinder and why dating sucks. i am still waiting for her text to see if anything will happen but it seems it wont and ill just have to live with that. ughhh this hurts and sucks. i mean even if we did get to 'just fuck' i feel like this would end badly, so maybe it's for the best. better to deal with this pain now rather than later when it would be worse. \n\ni think the worst part of it, is manya being upset about it, like she didn't do exactly the same thing and i had no issue with it but apparently it doesnt work both ways? i probably shouldnt blame her for this, given i havent heard her side of the story and she is obviously mad at me, but i dont feel like i did anything wrong. i never lied to her, or pretended to be something i wasn't nor were we exclusive.  and yet?? im now asking parul about it, maybe she'll be able to deliver some insight. i guess i did learn something, and maybe im too caught up in 'fairness' and whether i was in the right or wrong, rather than the feelings of the person i hurt. \n\nand now i feel worse, excellent. i cant tell if i feel worse for hurting manya, or for not being able to hook up with minnie?? thats awful. \n\n",
+        "title": "11th February 2020 at 18:15",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i actually had a great day today. again, i think its residual from yesterday's work out session but today really was good. It was going alright during work, I got my website working and mostly just sat around the rest of the tine feeling p good that i got my website working. Then I came home and met Cammy and Aaron at Bentspoke and we had a great time there too. Really fun conversation and booze is always a good time. Then we came back to my place and played some melee and continued having a good time. What a lovely day. To top it all off I got my ergodox and boy is it soooo cool. I'm really enjoying it already and I only got to mess around with it for a half hour. I'm super keen for fixing it up and configuring it tomorrow. But even from the short time I spent with it, it was super fun. Wow I'm really glad. I havent had such a great day in a while. It's been lovely :) \n\nToday again I was really feeling the energy and didn't want to be depressed anymore and decided I didn't want to be. Let's see how long that lasts. ",
         "title": "11th July 2018 at 00:06",
@@ -223,6 +247,22 @@
         "modified": "20180212122644643",
         "created": "20180212122109511"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "AND MORE EMOTIONS FUCK YEAH\n\nIM SO MAD. FUCK MANYA. I NEVER WANT TO SEE HER FACE OR HEAR HER NAME EVER AGAIN. \n\nshe claims we became exclusive 2 days before i hooked up with minnie and that i orchestrated this as somesort of evil mastermind??!?! im so fucking pissed. \n\nyou know what. im not fucking pissed anymore. fuck it. fuck it all. im not going to let her control me or my life, and i never want to hear about her every again. she wants to be a crazy fucked up idiot, stay the fuck away from me. \n\n",
+        "title": "12th February 2020 at 04:10",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "also minnie came over and it was a lot of fun and now that psycho hates me i dont give a fuck what happens or what she thinks so i can enjoy her company as much as i like. im looking forward to that, because i think minnie likes me too, we have a fun tumultous relatiionship \n\n",
+        "title": "12th February 2020 at 04:27",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i'm on the flight to sydney from brisbane right now. i had a lovely time in brissy hanging with the boys but i cant help but feel like i let people down somehow. it kept coming up repeatedly over the course of the weekend mostly when i was high. the sesh expectations were too high and the results were sometimes lackluster. i think especially when meeting gareth and tsering's high school friends when i kinda have to be social but its really hard when im high. i think i want to smoke less now. i always get paranoid especially in social situations and i think thats not a good thing. plus since it makes me socially retarded its a bad idea anyway. \n\nbut on the other hand im going to america and weed is legal and and i kinda dont have a reason not to?? thatks the biggest thing is theres never really any reason not to. i dont think there is any reason that could really put me off it too which makes that a problem. other than work of course.\n\nalright asides from just being a stoner all the time we did a whole bunch of stuff in brisbane. we had a bbq and went to a pool bar and then got sugo mi and taros and played handball and had parties. i got sooo fucked on saturday, it was just non-stop sesh party mode. that was the day i met all gareth and tsering's friend and it was dope. i love hanging out in brisbane its so much fun. ive also been taking a lot of pictures which is great :)",
         "title": "12th November 2018 at 15:19",
@@ -412,6 +452,14 @@
         "modified": "20180814130958588",
         "created": "20180814130724754"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "during meditiation today i was reflecting on the dumb shit i said at gareths place during his couch quest. something along the lines of 'this seems like a bottom tier game out of all the couch quested games so far\" but i think it was interpreted as \"this is a bottom tier couch quest\" and that makes me cringe, as thats not what i was trying to communicate. Though I believe it got hashed out and nobody paid much attention to drunk anish says dumb shit, it's still something i feel sorta bad about. \n\nthe other thing that came up, was i noticed that chtl doesn't give me a hug anymore when we meet, and she was the first one to give me a hug when i first stepped into my new apartment. obviously, this is because i kinda fucked up during the whole hair thing by not inviting her, and how that changes our relationship. i do want to get back to that point, but i dont know how to get there as of yet. i think it will come from small things adding up over time, rather than a big gesture. just knowing that i was thinking about her and care about her. this is something i want to do with greta as well, and at least there i know how (i want to buy her a candle as a gift, to start, just as a way to say thank you). this is something that Riri talks about as well. how it's the little things (though she always coats it as 'not asking too much' -- though so did greta), and it's something i need to pracitce to get better at. paying attention to the little things has never been my strong suit. (i noticied that Tash and Casey both always give me -- and it seems only me -- big hugs when we meet. i think it's because i took the time when we first met to actually get to know them, and that im generally pretty good at interacting with girls and making them feel included in our big group. thats a great example of a little thing that makes a big difference, and the more of these little thuoghtful things i can accumulate, especially for longer term consistent behaviour, the better i think i'll be at developing relationships)\n\nanother thing i have noticied is that my endless positivity seems to have changed. i'm no longer the hype man for all occasions endlessly cheering on my friends who do cool things. i wonder what caused this. a big one would be just having to work, and that changing my energy levels. but ofc i have worked before full time and i dont remember feeling that way then (though this is certainly possible). the other ones that come to mind are moving in with jxN and seeing my friends consistently now instead of just online for the most part. i think a combination of these two certainly plays some role, but moreover it may just be another transitionary period where i'm not as excitable and invigorated by friends progress. this is another avenue for growth to previous normal, just as above. i love sharing the love and giving my friends validation for doing awesome shit. it does make me sad that i haven't been doing that as much. \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "14th August 2020 at 16:22",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "another reason i though of was spending lots of energy and time on riya leaves me with less time/energy to spend on my friends and being joyous with them. just a thought",
         "title": "14th August 2020 at 20:09",
@@ -587,6 +635,22 @@
         "modified": "20180215072011209",
         "created": "20180215071907669"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "today ive been in brisbane for a few days and i'm having such a great time. im dealing with al the fucking bullshit that haapened. this is exactly what i needed. :)\n\n",
+        "title": "15th February 2020 at 17:14",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "today im grateful for: \n\n* friends that i can hang out with tension\n* distance from my problems to look at them objectively \n* the strength to deal with mental problems that wouldve previously spent me spiraling\n* weed volcano with jeremy and clare :)\n\n",
+        "title": "15th February 2020 at 17:20",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "What went well today:\n\n* Got heaps of chores down \n* Kept trying at work despite feeling like I was banging my head against the wall\n* Bought a tent for camping\n* Kombucha taste\n* Work out \n* Habits\n* My room is beautiful now (put up the vines all across)\n\nWhat did not go well today: \n\n* Banging my head against the wall at work\n* Didn't get enough sleep\n* No energy to do computer stuff after work\n* Got talked out of dying my hair(might be a good thing?)\n* Haven't prepared for camping packing\n* bought lots of snacks\n\nWhat can I do better tomorrow to improve:\n\n* Take a breather and recenter when you're not making progress during work\n* Pace yourself with the snacks, drink kombucha now instead\n* Go to bed earlier!",
         "title": "15th July 2020 at 23:20",
@@ -643,6 +707,14 @@
         "modified": "20181015130101146",
         "created": "20181015125722523"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "uff where to begin. perhaps best to start with the fact that im drunk. its been a really great night, started off with a zoom call with slack and that totally changed my mood around (was feeling really low before then) and then got really drunk with cammy and we had great chats. its been a good night. \n\nbut what i really been meaning to write about transpired last night. Soumya, who i'd been texting everyday for about two weeks now, shut me down again. i guess i shouldve seen it coming tbh, she'd said so in the past. but i guess im a creature of habit just like everyone else. i had this image in my head about how im a bull in a trough with nowhere to go but forward and she's holding a shield and whip and telling me to back off, but i have nowhere to go but forwards. i was a little upset about it, but im glad she told me the truth instead of leading me on, even though she'd said as much in the past. i feel i may have to learn this lesson again anyway. \n\nand then i thought about how she reminds me so much of parul and how basically the same thing happened with her too. that made we even more sad. i think im still a little bitter about that to be honest. i thought i was over it, but the same feelings keep coming back up and i dont know how to deal with them. i was thinking about how even when we were in school she did something similar with guhan and me, except this time im on the recieving end. that made me feel a little better, being able to identify the pattern. but i still feel bad about it. *sigh* i dont know what to do. i want to wish for nothing but her happiness but i dont know how to be that person yet. theres still a selfish part of me that wishes we couldve been together. i mean not really, writing that out didn't feel totally honest. but theres something there, something i dont quite understand still. i suppose to some degree it'll always be like that with her. lately ive been thinking a lot again about how we never had sex. i think thats certainly part of it, for better or worse. maybe i wouldn't be so hung up then, i dont know. that does feel gross to say though. ughhh.  just sorta stuck in my ways, i guess. i think whenever i feel lonely i turn to her. she's always been there for me. and thats obviously not great. since it reminds me how she can't really be there for me, or at least not in the way that i want. its almost as though i dont know how to move on, and instead i fill the void with whatever i can while i can, but i know it's still there. i think another part of it is still being jealous of akshat. i dont know what it is with her, but she's one of the few people i think i'll always feel possessive about. even writing his name here rubs me the wrong way. argh.\ni hope one day i find a way. to be the person i know i can be for her, because she matters to me a lot and i want to be in her life even if we cant be together. \n\nthere was a meme i saw on spiritual science channel on telegram that reminded me of this, even though i was thinking about it just yesterday. \"this is a time for healing deep emotional trauma. situations you thought you cleared are coming up again for more awareness. healing is done in layers. you have to continue to spiral through the same emotional experiences until there is no energetic charge left to trigger you.\" i think thats especially true of this situation. i kept thinking that i was past this parul stuff but im still not. it keeps coming back up. before i tried to convince myself that if ever the opportunity arose that me and parul could be together again that i would turn her down, because of the emotional damage she did back, what 2 years now (god that feels dumb to say). but the truth is i never really processesed it. not entierly anyway. and thats what this is about i guess. how Soumya reminded me of that, because when she was around it was easy to forget about Parul, but now that she's not I turn to the same pain i haven't dealt with. one day. :)\n\ni think theres more to it too. but maybe im just projecting that. what i have noticed at least, is that the boundaries are different. she'll only text me every other day. as though she's trying to get me to not rely on her so much. but i dont know how much of that is real and how much is my own delusion. so i dont think its productive to think about. \n\n",
+        "title": "16th April 2020 at 01:47",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i was thinking of something today when i was meditating but i can no longer remember it. its only 8.30 and im ready for bed, im so damn tired today im not really sure what took it out of me. i think as well that i am wasting riyas time... i dont think i can get married to her on the timeline that she would want. but idk if I have the balls to do it. its been feeling more and more like a lie when i tell her i love her... this got dire v quick and that wasnt my intention\n\n",
         "title": "16th August 2020 at 20:36",
@@ -755,6 +827,14 @@
         "modified": "20190416144418945",
         "created": "20190416141905896"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "today i woke up firmly sure that i wished to break up with riya. i shall list the reasons at a later date, but this morning these feelings were caused by my dream. i dreamt about Ambika, from school back in 2nd grade. and we reconnected (somewhere in america?) and really were getting along well, and started dating. i remember she was like a showgirl or something and i was so surprised by that, but it ultimately didnt matter. and we had a lot of fun, and i cared about her. and i guess thats why i woke up this morning wanting to break up with riya. it didnt help that she was there on the phone and i really care about waking up by myself and then we got into a fight (we're still fighting now)\n\nthen theres also the matter of debs. i have noticied a corner of my mind that is afraid of her now. i think it's because she's single again and i kinda sorta like her? maybe? but i dont really know how to be around her in big groups. i think this might be related to the chtl thing (her not hugging me, because i imagine them to be close and have spoken about it) and it upsets me as well. i'm gonna put in more effort to talk to her and just be around her in bigger seshes even though its uncomfortable. i shouldnt have to worry about liking her. \n\nand now i just hung up with riya i feel a huge sigh of relief and energy come back to me. i need a list of reasons why, how she depletes my energy, how i dont feel like im in love with her. how im not ready for a relationship like this, how we never put on the breaks, how i strangely enjoy being away from her. god it all comes so easy when its about things i dont like and am not happy with, but it takes a lot of time and effort to think of the things i am happy with when it comes to her. that is a terrible sign...\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "17th August 2020 at 07:21",
+        "tags": "Dream Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "today i am grateful for:\n\n* talking to tanu \n* going to jacks place and the scooter ride back home\n* finishing the work task\n* getting enough sleep\n* ",
         "title": "17th August 2020 at 22:49",
@@ -832,6 +912,14 @@
         "modified": "20180917125404798",
         "created": "20180917125016000"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "today i am grateful for:\n\n* gerd saying he wants to go to a sesh where i am present 😊\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "17th September 2020 at 11:33",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131650000",
+        "created": "20201019131650000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "what went well today:\n\n* finishing off the work thing that i shouldve finished\n* getting a late work out in\n* besting my sugar cravings\n* not snacking at all\n* hitting lots of habits\n* finaly changing my sheets and doing laundry (lol)\n* getting better at downwell\n* using taskwarrior well\n\nwhat did not go well today:\n\n* didn't get time to work on creative stuff because i was playing games/working\n* checking my phone a lot for content, but feeling frustrated when i didnt get a 'hit'\n* taking lots of time after the morning meeting to actually start work\n\nwhat can i do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* let go of trying to get new content all the time and meditate instead \n* take better advantage of pomodoro breaks (was doing this today as well, which is good)\n* start work quickly after morning meetin",
         "title": "17th September 2020 at 23:35",
@@ -1014,6 +1102,14 @@
         "modified": "20190919122532177",
         "created": "20190919122320998"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "i hung out with my friends most of today, but i wish i hung out better with gerd. i know he wanted to hang out with me and i did as well, but we couldnt get the vibe going\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "19th September 2020 at 00:29",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131650000",
+        "created": "20201019131650000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "omg holy shit, i just had an adventure and a half on the way back from Nupurs party. i was already running late and then the uber i get into ,straight up just tells me I won't make it. after a lil thought i just get out of the uber because ut didn't seem possible.\n\ni stumble back to the party and thank god tanvir and tanika are still there, we're tryna figure out solutions and then Tanika (bless her huge brain) comes up with the brilliant idea to go to the airport! some quick math later and i get in another uber \n\nim freaking out a little and quite the mess, and this uber driver is sent by the universe. he's everything i needed in that moment. he helped me calm down, believed that were would make it and steadied me. then we get into normal uber conversation and a bit of his and my life. casual things, but then we moved on to philosophy and spirituality and just connected like never before. for the first time in memory that ive been able to connect with someone so well and be awe and respectful of how deeply they have met themselves. enrapturing conversation, even if he tended to mumble. we spoke about manifesting the reality you desire amd how the universe gives you what you need. he gave me a card to amorc.org.au\n\ni wonder where this path will lead me",
         "title": "1st December 2019 at 22:40",
@@ -1021,6 +1117,22 @@
         "modified": "20191201115517846",
         "created": "20191201114049774"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "man, im not quite sure how to start this so imma jump in.\n\ni was at eshan's place hanging with the squad and nanak and all, drinking beers; smoking billies, poker the ususal, and then nirwan's phone falls downstairs. so after trying to text manya i go down and get it and i see all the other phamsquad hanging out and heading out. at first i felt kinda bad, because i felt excluded,  but what i realized was when manya came out (because she saw my texts) and asked if we were going out, and vanee was ready to go but i wasn't... \n\nlooking back now, i did have the invitation to join them, i just didn't act on it correctly. but moreover this made me reflect on phamsquad and me hangouts, its generally tanika that invites me to events, and thats also partially my fault because i dont tend to ask and they bring that same energy. \n\nlearning this made me feel less bad, and gave me actionable outcomes for next time this happens. idk tanvir and i spoke a lot about assertiveness training, and i think i want to do it. i think i do need to figure out how to be comfortable around strangers more easily, this is particularly important to me, especially right now. \n\ni'm going to do some reading on this\n\n\n",
+        "title": "1st February 2020 at 01:31",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "im really wishing i stopped at mandalay on the way over now...\n\n\n",
+        "title": "1st February 2020 at 02:55",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "why is new years always so hard for me? ",
         "title": "1st January 2019 at 16:39",
@@ -1077,6 +1189,22 @@
         "modified": "20190831140924291",
         "created": "20190831140454287"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "i keep having dreams about other girls. first it was debs, where i dreamt we cuddled and had to keep our relationship secret. it was cute, but also like, ughhh. and then it was alexa where me and her and russy seemed to be in a sort of polyamorous relationship? it was slightly odd, but in the dream i was happy. and then yesterday it was two random girls i didnt know and yet was happy getting to know and meet them and then spend time together. i suppose my brain is trying to tell me something, something fairly obvious that i really wanted to avoid i guess. makes sense that ive been thinking about them since me and riya broke up, but i think part of it has been happening since before then too. i guess more evidence that i dont want a relationship? or at least not a long distance one. i do feel gross that i keep thining about my friends girlfriends in this light. but i guess i dont control my subconcious thoughts in that way. more over i guess its just that i want to be held and cuddled because i miss physical contact. i should give my friends big hugs when i can. \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "1st September 2020 at 09:17",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "What went well today:\n\n* Getting some reds at climbing\n* Owning up to using jxNs coffee\n* Sorta getting back into morning routine\n* Going with jxN to pick up coffee and vape juice\n* Starting goodboy september\n* using vimwiki diary stuff (sorta)\n* doing a review!\n* Meditating\n\nWhat did not go well today:\n\n* Having to eat out (Japanese place downstairs and Dominos)\n* Still not finished the productionization of reports at work\n* Being really tired still, from the weekend\n* Feeling the missing part of me beacuse me and Riya are in limbo\n* Not checking and organizing task warrior\n\nWhat can I do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* Go grocery shopping and cook\n* Use taskwarrior for work tasks \n* Look into better mobile solution for task warrior\n* Sleep earleir...\n* Utilize work time more efficently (stick to pomorodoro, no work-fap, stay focused instead of thrashing) \n\nToday I am grateful for:\n\n* Seeing Jedi\n* Talking to Papa\n* Talking about music with jxN\n   * listening to Everything at the End of Time with Jxn\n* Night climb at Urban Climb\n* Having a bike to use as transportation \n* Brisbane's awesome bike infrastructure where you don't have to be on the road for the most bit\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "1st September 2020 at 23:21",
+        "tags": "Review [[Gratitude ]] Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i thought i wanted to go to sleep early but what i actually wanted to do was spend time on my computer. im coalesing a lot of things that were seperate in scratch/vimwiki (i really wanna rename it to memex or something or give it an actual name, puralek -- no not quite but kinda) \n\nstill plugging away at things. i realized that i totally forgot about my seedbox on my wiki fill but i dont know what to call it. ",
         "title": "20th April 2019 at 04:16",
@@ -1098,6 +1226,22 @@
         "modified": "20200819222001853",
         "created": "20200819221803992"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "even though i said i was thinking about calling riya today, im sorta glad i didnt. i spent a lot of time doing dev work and other things ive wanted to spend time on but havent that i attributed to spending time with her (even though i know rationally, that's unfair) and i'm really happy to have done that. i'm trying to figure out a time to call her tomorrow since i'll be fairly busy throughout the day and night but i'll definietly figure something out. i have to call her, and i do miss her. even though i could call her now, i still sorta dread that. i suppose i'm relishin the last moments of freedom, though thats a disgusting way to put it. perhaps ill call her first thing in the morning tomorrow. i think i really did get what i wanted out of this time away from her and am happy to go back to her so to speak. i am worried about what that'll be like, because i feel like i smashed on the breaks. i'm curious as to what it'll be like as well as nervous. \n\nin other news i realized i've been using taskwarrior wrong this whole time. i had been using tags instead of projects. taskwhisperer makes using projects sooo much better. i'm very keen to get taskwiki + vimwiki up and running now again and really integrate the two together. i had been feeling like something had been with my kitaab for a while now and was thinking about switching to neuron for a long while, but now with taskwhisperer setup \"correctly\" im far more interested in getitng taskwiki up. \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "20th August 2020 at 22:50",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "What went well today:\n\n* making the jrnl merger\n* finding a better way to use task warrior\n* finishing off rss2elastic\n* climbing in the morning and making a friend\n\nWhat did not go well today:\n\n* saying goodbye to my new friends at climbing\n* making kombucha\n* working on the ML project at work\n* my arm hurting \n\nWhat can I do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* trust my instincts\n\nToday I am grateful for:\n\n* morning climb with russy\n* making friends\n* online shopping \n* future fermentation projects\n* figuring out taskwarrior (lol) \n* having the energy/time to program after work\n* facebook marketplace...\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "20th August 2020 at 23:02",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Review Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i made a friend on the flight to singapore :)\nher name is Aanjali. She's way older than me and is a tech consultant in melbourne. it was nice connecting with someone. we talked about a bunch of stuff and it turns out she's on my flight to bangalore too. in fact i can see her rn in the line to get into the gate, which im sitting outside of. \n\nmaking friends is awesome. ",
         "title": "20th December 2018 at 11:25",
@@ -1154,6 +1298,14 @@
         "modified": "20181120215950692",
         "created": "20181120073000172"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "Since I originally came to queensland partially to get away from the bullshit that went down in Canberra, I've been thinking about it a lot, and just accepting the way I feel. I honestly don't care about the pathetic coward anymore, and even more so, the enemy of my enemy is my friend (regarding Shikur). I want to go to Chutney mostly to have a sort of \"showdown\" and see everyone else's reactions. Also I'm still upset Minnie threw mee away, but I certainly should've seen that coming. I'm hoping she'll be at Chutney too and will want to go home with me. I still do like her, and that's kinda a problem, but I believe it'll pass soon enough. I can't tell if I'm still mad at tanvir or not, but I am/was hurt by his actions, and I need to tell him that. I think to a certain degree i am still upset with him too, because what sorta best friend abandons you when it's convienent?? Anyway that's all I've been thinking about canberra, and queensland has given me great space, time to reflect, and immense joy realizing that I don't need shitty people in my life. \n\n",
+        "title": "21st February 2020 at 11:29",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "Today I actually had good dreams. I had two but I'm struggling to remember the second one at this point. \nThe first one included Holly, and we were chatting on Telegram and playing some sort of social deduction game over telegram too with a bunch of other people. I remember there being bright colors for our avatars and we didnt know who each other person was, but then I figured out who Holly was, and I was the bad guy and I managed to convince them and I won?? Something like that, it was fun and light hearted and up beat and generally enjoyable. \n\nThe other one was also fun but I can't really remember it at all. Oh well.",
         "title": "21st January 2019 at 16:50",
@@ -1260,6 +1412,14 @@
         "modified": "20190921114141485",
         "created": "20190921113040371"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "feeling anxious about a few things and spiraling again, so im writing them down. \nfor one is work. i know im behind, i know im on probation and thats a dangerous combination... i was thinking of asking for the morning off because its already so late but i dont know if that will help. i might do it anyway. we'll see. \nim also mad that work is stealing the best time of my life. the reason im up so late is because i was configuring helix for sealight.xyz andd i dont even want to go to sleep because i want to keep working on that, but i have to go to sleep because work. \ni am certainly going to try working from the library again, because ive been too prone to distraction working from the living room. i am quite worried about not doing a good enough job and impressing people... \n\nthere was another thing, but now i dont remember. im just happy that i got chat.sealight.xyz setup :) \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "21st September 2020 at 02:43",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131650000",
+        "created": "20201019131650000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "today marked a special day. it's been delightful and strange and fun and warped and feels like a change in perception. today marks many ends and so also new beginnings. im constantly in a state of rebirth. I think its a wonderful thing\n\nbut right now im too high and focused on anxiety thoughts and this is what im stopping. no more. none.\n\nso i look forward to the future and reaching out and taking it. i know its within my grasp. theres a lot of work to get there though. i will do it. I'm getting melodramatic  \n\nthere was moky in philosophy class and also indian studies which i enjoyed and then studying computer graphics. i really do enjoy learning\n\nthe shower was too much  goodnight ",
         "title": "22nd August 2019 at 22:39",
@@ -1274,6 +1434,22 @@
         "modified": "20190822130616036",
         "created": "20190822130205653"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "im so tired but today has been a really nice day. i went climbing with russy, alexa and azri this morning at 9 degrees for 3 hours for free and it was lovely. it was really funny because i didnt sign up before hand, and russell and alexa were like \"c'mon dude, you needed to sign up\". but i got a spot no problem (things just work out for me /shrug) i really like 9degrees, it has far more interesting/difficult problems and the warehouse is really nice. and then we went to bunnings i got more plants and soil and pots! :) my room is getting more and more jungle-esque and I love it. it's really coming together. i want a big mirror and a plant rack and many more plants and i'll probably need a glow light to support them. but because i got very drunk last night and went to bed suuuper late and got up early and then went climbing ive been absolutely exhausted. i took a huge nap and only after that did i take a shower and felt like a human again. but im still so tired so i'll probably go to bed pretty soon. \n\ni really enjoy spending time with russy and alexa, i think me and alexa get along well, the way she speaks really reminds me of poopz. but she always talks to me a lot and sits next to me and stuff and its really nice, i like that a lot. yesterday i tried (but not hard enough) to be nice to chantal and it went better, but there's definetly strll friction. i think part of it was that i was just too high (i remember when she walked in to smokeys tower i forgot to say hi, and she was like waiting around for me to say hello sorta i think maybe. i even texted her after we finished for the night like \"haha didnt say hello or goodbye, too intimidating\" just to break the ice and sorta show that im trying?) but yeah i think being aware of it helps make me better/more effective at it. i think i should also give her hugs when i say hello, that would make things a lot better.  \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "22nd August 2020 at 22:20",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "what went well today:\n\n* waking up on time\n* climbing\n* going to bunnings\n* napping\n* not really funcitoning in the morning, but having my friends there to help me :)\n\nwhat did not go well today:\n\n* doing work that i shouldve done on friday\n* budgeting for plants/pots at bunnings\n\nwhat can i do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* set aside time for work\n* catch up on sleep\n\nToday I am grateful for:\n\n* being able to stay over at smansion so i could go climbing\n* naps\n* not being hungover despite drinking a lot last night\n* my room getting more and more plants and coming together\n\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "22nd August 2020 at 22:40",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "I had the wildest dream I think i've ever had and i just had to write about it.\nI'm trying to remember ho it started because the twists and turns it ended up taking were unbelievable. \nI think it started with a party. an uncle/aunty party with mum and poopz. we were just hanging out and drinking and it just sorta set the scene of the party and made it seem believable? I remember I had both the phones that I had been carrying around when I met them. somewhere along the line I went into a basement and found Wibbles with an army of other people (for the basement this meant like 10 others) tryinng to create fake books to sell to the library. like ultra rare books that didnt exist otherwise being sold to the library because we made them for lots and lots of money. so I decided to help them as much as I could, because creating fake books sounds like a fun thing to do. basically what wibbles asked me to do was smash our fake book with this real old book such that it would begin to resemble the old one. there was one area in particular (the binding) that needed to not look totally fake (because it had blue streaks across it which were obviously done up) after many hours of doing this and seeing other people do equally boring tasks i was beginning to give up, when it worked! so then next for some reason I had to hack into the library, go there and make sure that the sale would happen. this is when things got a bit scary. there were tons of flashing lights and huge screens everywhere that i didnt quite understand and at some point i was transported to the actual location of the library where everythnig was pink and flashing and ominous (and i was getting really anxious) and i ws running out of time and so i did my best by basically smashing all the keys  and then leaving. I took the elevator down to find myself in a totally foreign location with low battery on both of my phones and unable to book an ola or know where to go. \nluckily then after frantically strolling around hoping for the best, i run into a bunch of people from tisb at some sort of late night party, and they were by chance staying in the dorms there? there were tons of old faces that I didn't totally recognize but knew kinda well enough that i was just saying hi to random people. i was also really anxious at this point because for some reason i was thinking about work tomorrow (like rn im on the way to work) and was worried about how to get back until eventually i realized it was imossible to get back on time and just decided to liev with it. i thoght i saw sarayu but she was walking away and i decieded to go inside because i wasnt as fucked up as everyone else (who were probably doing md and drinking)\nand once inside again the atmosphere totally changed. one of my teachers was holding some sort of party but just behind the wall and all i could see was her with a cake seeming somewhat melancholy. i left her since she was behind the wall anyway and continued exploringn the dorms when Tejas comes out of his room wearing this hi-tech VR gear and i see kartik inside playing some other game, so i decide to chill with him. he was playing a p cool looking game so i sat down and watched him until my alarm went off.\n\nwriting it all out it doesnt seem that wild, but actually expierencing it was a roller coaster of emotions and kinda reflective of my mentl state rn. i feel anxious and unworthy a lot and it was really reflected in the dreams. ",
         "title": "22nd February 2019 at 07:34",
@@ -1281,6 +1457,22 @@
         "modified": "20190327083929230",
         "created": "20190327083920283"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "i just had the best shopping trip of my life, it was kinda crazy, and im in such a better mood. I went with Russy and Tsering to Woolies in Lutwyche, and that was fine. Then I went to Aldi and the cashier there was super friendly and sweet and we had a very pleasant interaction, she was very sweet. Then the best bit was I went to get a Falafal wrap, the clerk there was also very kind and we had a lil skit since I was carrying groceries and she put her arms out and said thank you. Then when I went to pay, I needed to transfer money into my spending account, but the internet was being really shit so I was getting anxious and then this woman comes up to me and is like  \"Sorry, I don't mean to disturb you, but if you don't have enough money, I can pay for you\" and I was kinda in shock and then said that would be lovely thank you so much that really means a lot. And she said \"no worries, just try and pay it forward when you can, I think it's always good to be kind to people\" and I was just amazed by the kindness of strangers it was incredible. Brisbane hospitality, so lovely. :)\n\n",
+        "title": "22nd February 2020 at 19:07",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "Today I am grateful for:\n\n* The kindness of strangers\n* The small comfort of familiar friends not doing anything in particular\n* Pleasant interactions with store clerks\n* Late night chatting sessions with Jeremy\n* Ali Express's ridiculously hilarious suggestions for sex toys on jj's phone \n\n",
+        "title": "22nd February 2020 at 19:18",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "lately i've been feeling hit or miss. sorta overwhelmed by my decision. like im in free fall. im scared that my friends here will decide to drop me or something with my housing arrangement will go wrong and that last semblance of safety will disappear. i keep having nightmares about it. but i trust and believe my friends and i just have to keep believing that. \n\nalso things with riya keep entering this tumultuous zone between not wanting it to work out and arguing about our differences on love and stuff. but i really do want it to work. i think it's beginning to settle in that i'm going to have to get married eventually and if thats the case i can't see a reason why it shouldn't be riya. she's really good for me and i really like who i become when im with her. but at the same time i still keep fighting internal demons about not wanting to settle down and not being done with my fucking around. and yet, even now as i write this i sorta feel like i'm done with it? like i do want to settle down? i dont know, i havent totally cartographed this region of my psyche. i'm working on it. ",
         "title": "22nd June 2020 at 23:41",
@@ -1351,6 +1543,14 @@
         "modified": "20200823131817683",
         "created": "20200823131523557"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "it's early in the morning and i dont quite yet want to go to bed, but i'm not sure of what else im supposed to do. i'm fairly drunk, and everyone here is asleep, i just got here. im not even sure what i wish for, just a continuation of the sesh, or in some strange attraction to productivity, to \"do something\". \n\nthis is a feeling ive felt quite a bit in brisbane, especially since in canberra it's almost the opposite, i'm always looking for avenues to leave. i guess when it's a different city and friends you don't get to see often or for much longer you wish for contiuous engagement \n\ni'm sitting outside and getting eaten by mosquitoes, but i dont know where else to sit that would be quiet and dark enough for jafni to sleep on the count with. he's still fairly close to me, even when im sitting outside. i can hear a house nearby thats playing loud emo-ish music from the 2000s and they're all having a ball. i almost thought about just turning up there, but it's clearly a private party and i don't want to intrude. \n\ni've enjoyed my time in brisbane, it's been rejuvenating. tomorrow i'm going to see caelen and goulda and i'm quite excited about that. i feel like i spent a lot of time at smansion this time? i certainly felt like gerard had had enough of me for the first time, which i do understand. he in particular had this complaint about my pooping habits which is odd but understandable. i'm actually glad he clarified with me, because it's not something i ever really used to think about, but leaving the toilet in a good shape after i use it is something i should be doing. \n\nugh i just moved inside and now i cant remember exactly where i was going with that. i'm trying to free write here, and now im just covered in mossie bites, it's very annoying, i suppose i should've seen this coming. \n\nlately in birsbane i've been thinking about getting back on track a lot. doing the thihngs i know i can and should do to make sure that these months that i've just been bidding by aren't a total waste. i've been thinking about moving here because the sesh is just so crazy. in fact, i may have imagined a fantasy surrounding becoming Debs roommate, and maybe even becoming more than that, but i know that's just a fantasay i sustain because it'd be easy and lucky for me rn. there's a very small percentage chance of that happening, but even the fact that i say it that way gives you the inclination that i believe it's a psssibility instead of straight fantasy. i think it could be really fun, especially if nothing happens, and there would be a lot of drama if something did. i seem to gravitate towards that sort of drama. \n\ni think i should stop vaping. \n\n",
+        "title": "23rd February 2020 at 01:27",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "i had such a lovely dream and its still fresh in my head and i wanted to write about it. \n\ni believe it started at a party of some sort where basically all my friends were. at first i was only meeting people from india and australia, and that was fine, i was having fun. it was in this huge house with v bisexual lighting and tons of floors. but towards the end of the party(or maybe we were moving somewhere else?) and everyone was going outside into cars, I bumped into Laurel and Charly. And I haven't seen them in so long that I wanted to go to their car. actually wait before this happened when everyone was heading outside there was gonna be a new party that we were going to (one that Kishan was hosting) but he was being exclusionary and didnt invite some people from the current party, mostly girls for some reason, and that made me kinda sad and upset because those girls were my friends too. \n\nanyway, Charly and Laurel were some of the girls that were excluded from coming to the party and they couldn't go anyway because Laurel had to go to the airport since she was leaving. when I found out that she was leaving I knew I had to get into her car because I wanted to spend whatever time we had left together. she had this super fancy ass car that she was also living in but it was like no seats and totally flat and soft like a bed. there were only 2 seats and those were the 2 in front where the driver was (at first I thought it was self driving). So on the way to the airport it was just me and charly and laurel and we were catching up and talking and being friends and it was so lovely. i hadnt felt like that in a long time, that i connected with someone. eventually we got to the airport. \n\nonce at the airport -- which was unlike any other airport ive ever seen, we tried to help laurel find her way. because the airport was acutally a maze!!  the entry was beautiful, like lush green hills and people were having picnics and flying kites, it was beautiful. then we found the door and it was some sort of puzzle? everything anyone looked at would light up and we had to find the right way and not get distracted. it didnt work too well for me though because i couldnt light up many of the objects and was getting annoyed but charly pulled we away to follow laurel who was running really late at this point. then finally we got through that bit of the maze and it turned into a normal airport and laurel found her gate. and then we said our goodbyes. it wasnt even super sad, like somehow we knew it would only be temporary. \n\nand then i remembered that i didnt have a ride back, and that maybe things with charly would be awkward and started freaking out a little bit. but charly it would be fine we're taking laurels car anyway and she didnt mind. so on the way back we continued talking and catching up and being friends and it was lovely. and that was it. ",
         "title": "23rd January 2019 at 11:01",
@@ -1428,6 +1628,14 @@
         "modified": "20180823220943594",
         "created": "20180823220842343"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "i had a nightmare about being fired from work for missing my morning meeting. i woke up to check my phone and i'd been removed from all work telegram chats and started freaking out that i'd been fired and then i looked at the time and it was wayyy past the morning meeting time (11am ish) and i was just straight panicking. i woke up in a frenzy because of my dream and then checked the time (6:50) and promptly went back to bed lol\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "24th August 2020 at 09:27",
+        "tags": "Dream Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "I'm drained. I was in bed for 12 hours yesterday. Perhaps more. At the time I thought I'd just take a quick nap and continue because I thought I was tired. But what I was afraid of came true. It felt oddly familiar and not something I'd felt like in a while. Depression strikes back. In between being asleep for 12 hours the times I was awake I felt really alone. There's nobody here for me. I mean sure, I have a couple of friends and I have some acquantances but not really anybody. And then I realized it'd be the same no matter where I go. There isn't really anybody anywhere for me. That made me unhappy. \n\nI'm not sure what to do about it except keep on keeping on. Some days will be bad days. Some days I will be drained. Somedays the feedback of my supervisor will crush me. I think that's something I need to work on. Resilience training of some kind. The feedback my supervisor (Roger) gave me was honest and to the point. It wasn't harsh. It wasn't rude. When I first read it I was totally crushed. Then I read it again and felt a bit better. Motivitaion to try harder, to be better. But it was fleeting at best. I was once again greeted by my old friend \"give up in the face of difficulty\". But at least I'm recognizing it. I'm gonna try and work, and like I said, keep on keeping on. The alternative is self destruction, and despite all the romanticism I've built around it, it's not really an answer at all. \n\nSuccess is not permanent and failure is not fatal.",
         "title": "24th February 2018 at 09:24",
@@ -1533,6 +1741,14 @@
         "modified": "20200425035842819",
         "created": "20200425034708679"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "this morning the fire alarm went off, and we got to talking with some of the other tenants because it was ridiculous being woken up for a fire alarm at 5am (which turned out to be a false positive) and i wish i introduced myself better and tried to actually be on friendly terms if not actual friends. there were 2 desi women (one an old aunty and one around my age) that we were talking to and it could've been a good introduction. i also wanted to organize us as tenants and demand compensation for the 2 fire alarms in 2 weeks (only half joking) but i didnt do that either. its a common pattern i've noticed when im around new people i get really shy and have a hard time talking. once i got home and tried to go back to sleep i kept thinking of an alter ego that loves meeting new people and is very extroverted (and there is a part of me that is like that when im prepared for it) so something to think about or work on perhaps?\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "25th August 2020 at 09:14",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "today I'm grateful for the weather. i woke up to the rain and it was just beautiful. I'm also grateful for the downtime I have listening to Jack Johnson while it's raining and overcast. ",
         "title": "25th February 2018 at 17:10",
@@ -1904,6 +2120,22 @@
         "modified": "20180502115108890",
         "created": "20180502111748892"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "today i finally finished most of the td-reporting project at work so that feels really good. but asides from that ive been working long hours and have found it difficult to detach from work. i'm going to ask for friday off so i can go climbing at slider with haikal and sam which im excited about. i like sam. but im nervous about taking the day off. i'm sure it'll be fine. not being able to switch off from work has been annoying, i don't really feel like i truly enter relax mode, but i think i'm getting better at it. i think part of the problem is even during work hours i dont always do work, and just kinda laze around and don't want to work, which leads to a backlog of things that i feel like i have to do in the later hours. i also don't do any work until the morning meeting, which is bad, but that's how i like to start the day. i guess i need to figure something about with the combination of all that stuff, but this is the first step i suppose. \n\nthings with riya have been pretty miss lately. we've only been talking sparodically and at least i want this to be over, but im givinng her time to come to terms with it? i don't really know. i mean i still do love her, but i just don't believe it's going to work out and so im trying to do things to help her through this but i dont have the courage to ask what's actually going down. its kinda shitty i suppose. i should solve that. \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "2nd September 2020 at 22:31",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
+    {
+        "text": "What went well today:\n\n* Finally getting around to finishing the project at work\n* Cooking and buying groceries\n* Not buying snacks or buying outside food\n* Not smoking weed despite wanting to\n* Habits\n\nWhat did not go well today:\n\n* Not working out\n* Taking notes and using taskwarrior, but im slowly getting better\n* Still had a work fap, but it was delayed\n* Switching off work\n* Projects/dvlg/Creative stuff\n\nWhat can I do tomorrow to improve:\n\n* Do some exercise \n* Get into the habit of writing down what you're gonna do at work\n* Find a better way to split work and home time\n* Find a 'wind-down' routine for after work -- maybe include something creative or leisurely\n* Keep vimwiki up to date and browse it often \n\nToday I am grateful for:\n\n* Tanushree, and her saying she misses me\n* My friends that I can rely on\n* Ona beans\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "2nd September 2020 at 22:37",
+        "tags": "[[Gratitude ]] Review Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "it seems im constantly under the process of rebirth.\nfirst at the beginning of last year, through fire\nthen in November, through travel to America \nand now again, through movement \n\ngetting a tattoo has been on my mind, and perhaps I'll undertake that sooner rather than later",
         "title": "30th January 2019 at 00:27",
@@ -1925,6 +2157,14 @@
         "modified": "20180730131506248",
         "created": "20180730131434073"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "i wanted to write something about how sometimes i feel riyas conceptions of love are still a little juvenile, but having her wrapped around my leg right now, all i can think is how ill miss her. shes so cute and lovely and we baked cookies \n\noh and MY PHONE IS COMING AND IN SO EXCITED!! IT SHOULD BE HERE IN A WEEK!!! \n\n",
+        "title": "30th July 2020 at 23:25",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "I've been thinking about strategy a lot lately. in many different contexts, work and uni and friends. about how orchestrating my life is more than just about the things i do. it's about the people i communicate with and how i do that. this is where a moral framework would be helpful, because it's easy to get caught up in solely the pursuit of ideal strategy and forget about it's purpose. im worried about that. something else thats been on my mind is that maybe im the villian. i just dont recognize it yet. young priviledged kid tryna live my life, but constantly confused and aimless.\n\nuff that's too dark and i dont really believe that. i'm glad i can deal with negative thoughts, im a lot stronger now too. i think thats why ive been thinking about strategy, and how being agreeable all the time isn't the best strategy. it's easy and pretty effective, but not conducive to certain sorts of fields of endeavour.\n\ni've been going to the gym on night shift a bunch and i love it, it feels so good to be at the gym at night. we havn't been going super hard like me and aaron do, but it's a fun sesh. makes me appreciate aaron more, im gonna ask him to gym – i just did :relieved:\n\nman i really want to be able to insert emojo on my laptop. it's such a core part of expressing myself.\n\n",
         "title": "30th June 2019 at 01:58",
@@ -1981,6 +2221,14 @@
         "modified": "20200930133439086",
         "created": "20200930132901913"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "there's been a lot that happened over the weekend i think. i noticed chtl was still hesitant to give me a hug when we met. the weekend just flew by because i just got really drunk a bunch. me and riya broke up (kinda sorta?) there's still  a lot of processing i need to do over a bunch of these things, so i guess i ccant really write about them, but perhaps i will. i think the time to write about them was a couple days ago or yestreday even (when we broke up) but like its chill i guess\n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "31st August 2020 at 21:45",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
+        "created": "20201019131651000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "I'm having such a good time at chadpad rn",
         "title": "31st December 2018 at 21:54",
@@ -2199,10 +2447,11 @@
         "created": "20181103175807038"
     },
     {
-        "text": " what awaits on the other side of tomorrow?\n\nfreedom?\ndespair? \n\ntime will tell",
+        "text": " what awaits on the other side of tomorrow?\n\nfreedom?\ndespair? \n\ntime will tell\n\n",
         "title": "4th November 2019 at 01:02",
         "tags": "Journal",
-        "modified": "20200130095832774",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "modified": "20201019131651000",
         "created": "20200130095824282"
     },
     {
@@ -2219,6 +2468,14 @@
         "modified": "20181004031023394",
         "created": "20181004025701091"
     },
+    {
+        "text": "im beginning to feel like i dont have enough hours in the day to all the things that i want to. i felt similrly when i moved all my tasks into taskwarrior and simply pick up what im interested in. setting a kendrit has helped a little, but idk how strict to be with myself. work in progress. i think some of the trouble is that i dont yet know how much i will be able to accomplish with a 2 week kendrit. if it is most of what i set out to do i can rest assured that my extra other learing is worth it. \n\nim also planning on dropping tiddlywiki for just vim-zettel. it was useful but now sems to be an unnecessary split in my data. puralek has me reconsidering how my data is structered. i see no benefits keeping this seperate anymore. i need to set up a git repo and hooks that get called when the wiki is edited. \n\ni just realized that daylight savings time fucks up my work hours and now i have to wake up earlier.... fuck me. \n",
+        "modifier": "python",
+        "title": "4th October 2020 at 23:45",
+        "tags": "Journal",
+        "modified": "20201019131650000",
+        "created": "20201019131650000"
+    },
     {
         "text": "so much is happening right now and though (probably because) i feel like i orchestrated something i wasnt prepared for. it feels like i keep doing thisthis  on accident because of lack of foresight ",
         "title": "5th April 2019 at 22:35",